As the developers of Prince Naseem Boxing, Codemasters have a long history of taking a sporting great and turning their sport into a video game featuring them. Prince Naseem obviously being the greatest boxer of all time, and possibly also the inventor of boxing.
Thankfully Dirt 3 is no different, with Ken Block being the greatest rally driver of all time and creator of motorsport it makes perfect sense to base a game around his ability to be a hoonigan (whatever that means). Hooning is not a crime though, it says so right on the texture representing a livery on his video game Ford Fiesta.
Let’s not jump the gun though, before being offered the chance to hear his flat-billed holiness speak into a microphone a profile must be generated. Like all good video games a name can be entered using the correct casing, only to later discover that every other driver in the game has his name presented in a fully capitalized style.
As if having your name presented on a leaderboard next to rallying greats such as Dave Mirra wasn’t exciting enough, it’s also possible to select a pre-recorded name with which the voice speakers (yes, I did just avoid calling them actors) in the game will refer to you. I selected Rick, as it’s like Rik just spelt incorrectly. Unlike when my name is written on the side of a novelty pen, this isn’t too much of an issue, like other words in the English language Rick and Rik sound identical when spoken. Also, if the people who buy novelty pens informing me that the store from which they are purchased did not have my name happen to read this, please stop, I already have pens.
Upon profile creation completion it’s also possible to delve further into menus and pick between a male and female co-driver. I opted for the lady, sacrificing navigational ability for the chance to race in well-pressed overalls. Also to make that sexist joke.
Another woman, this time English, appears via voice-over to inform you that you’ve been signed up to a four season contract in the Dirt Tour. Why? Because it’s important video games have a story. I’d imagine she also makes cups of tea and washes up.
An Australian mechanic is also introduced, he enjoys stilted banter with the English lady who quickly begins to sound like she’d rather have a child poke her eyes out with a pogo stick than be in the studio recording these lines. As the mechanic has nothing interesting to say I took a highly suspicious stance with him, often fearing he would steal the wheels from my car shortly before a race. It made the load times slightly more entertaining.
Two characters isn’t enough for a form of entertainment that believes three is the correct amount of everything, so an enthusiastic American is also there. His job is to be enthusiastic, tell you about Ken Block, and possibly also about other video game elements such as earning XP.
I can also tell you about earning XP, it’s earned by taking part in a variety of events, none of which are as interesting as a full point-to-point rally game would be. There is of course point-to-point courses in the game though, they just lack the interesting structure a real rally takes, and most of them appear to last around one minute and thirty seconds, at least until the later stages of the game where slightly longer tracks are sprinkled in with the shorter ones, so you get to drive through the same area on multiple stages.
Once enough XP is earned through real racing a chance to finally partake in the sport of true champions, gymkhana, is offered. Not only that, the excitable American also takes the time to point out that a true legend and indeed YouTube sensation has been lined up to show the ropes. Yes, a legend! Ken Block considered a legend, right? I hope so, because if he isn’t I’m going to have to stop ironing the bills on my cap collection.
Ken Block shows off his inability to fake a laugh then offers some guidance, I can’t remember what, I learned to ignore the YouTube sensation fairly quickly. When Ken finally shuts up you get the chance to sit in Ken Block’s Ford Fiesta and spin around large open spaces, like all of the greatest rally drivers.
I decided to upload a video of myself performing a required gymkhana task to see whether it would shut up the man who keeps insisting I upload my amazing replays to “YouToob”. It doesn’t shut him up, and it turns out you can only upload 30 unedited seconds of footage, making the whole thing rather pointless. Here’s my replay though:
Hopefully you can make out the skull Ken Block uses to replace the O in his name, the “hooner on board” sign mocking the classic sign suggesting people drive carefully as a vehicle nearby has baby on board, along with various other embellishments I’d point out had I remembered to take a screenshot of the car rather than having to inspect an incredibly poor quality video. Oh, the livery also has a rather classy paint drip effect going on.
I think that’s everything inconsequential about Dirt 3 covered, feel free to purchase or not purchase it based on whether you enjoyed previous Codemasters racing games.
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